good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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