operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
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