Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
