I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
