look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
