where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I wish there were birth control emojis
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
