thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
