my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
