Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
