if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
