Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
