i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
