I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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