I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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