I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
