but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
