Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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