my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
