he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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