We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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