Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i think i have herpe
just one?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
