She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
