Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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