no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
