i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
