Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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