Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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