i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
