In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
the day after is always just damage control
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
