Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
