dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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