I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
