no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
