omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
