You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
