then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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