I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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