If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
