think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
