He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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