He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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