Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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