Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize