Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
