so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
