when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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