The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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