It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
