i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
