My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
