life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
