Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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