this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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