My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
