i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
