fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
