You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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