I wish you could order shots online.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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