I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
oh god the rape fog is back!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
