we have pet lesbian snakes
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
