I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize