If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
