using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
