i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
