after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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