I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
