We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
