I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
