you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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